IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CARDBOARD MARIO
by Jackie-Obie
Summary: SUPERSTAR SAGA SHOULD HAVE BEEN NAMED CARDBOARD MARIO! With new and advanced cardboard technology! And random appearances by Homeslice. BWAHAHA---Ch. 9 UP!
1. M&L Hafta Go to Whatever and Do Yadda

Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga should have been named:  
  
Cardboard Mario  
  
It's Like Paper Mario.With Advanced Cardboard Technology!  
  
ANYdot.  
  
Ch.1: Mario goes to Whatever and does Yadda Yadda Yadda.  
  
!@#$%^&*()_+_))(*&^%$#@$)()*&^%$#$%%^&&*())(*&^%$#$%^  
  
Yay for cussing!!  
  
Mario: *singing* OH what a beautiful morning..ah...(wha---o---o----ooooo)  
  
Luigi: You sing gospel?!  
  
Mario: Si!  
  
Luigi:..  
  
Luigi: Oh look, Toadsworth is coming.  
  
Toadsworth: huff.puff.Princesspeachisintroubleandherwordsturnintobomswhichmakeeverything explodeandbecomeveryextremelyunpleasantand..  
  
Luigi: Slow down, midget.  
  
Mario: THE MIDGETS!!! THEY'RE COMING!!! AAHHHH  
  
Mario hops aboard his flying Crème Saver.  
  
Luigi: 0.o I want a flying Crème Saver.. And what the homeslice is he talking about??!?!  
  
Homeslice: YO! DRAW SOMETHING BLOODY, DARK, AND FULL OF HATRED ON YOUR BOOK COVERS, MY PRETTIES  
  
Luigi sails after him on his 400 pound PostIt! Note. And who knows who Homeslice is.  
  
Some kid: He's my science teacher.  
  
Kay..  
  
Pirate: Arrrrggghhhh!!!!!  
  
Toadsworth: Ne'ermaind  
  
MovieFone guy: So Mario has to go to Whatever. To do yadda yadda yadda. Won't you hop Aboard his Adventure!?  
  
Mario: Where'd the MovieFone guy come from??  
  
Luigi; The banks of nowhere.  
  
Mario: Where'd you come from?! I thought you were eaten by midgets.  
  
Luigi: No, er, um, the Small Ones have spared my life and left me uneaten.  
  
Mario: Joy!  
  
Luigi; Hey Mario..  
  
Mario: Jah?  
  
Luigi: I hate to tell you this but,  
  
Mario: Kay.  
  
Luigi: Midgets are short right?  
  
Mario: Jah.  
  
Luigi: Take a look around. *COUGH*shorty*COUGH*  
  
Mario: AHH!!!! I HAVE BEEN RECRUITED AS A MIDGET KNIGHT!!! Helllllllpppp meeeeeeeeee..  
  
Luigi disappears except for his large, uncanny smiley grin.  
  
Mario: Floating smiles don't scare me.. Big words do.  
  
Jason: ch-ch-ch-ch...........-ha-ha-ha-ha.  
  
Mario: Shut up Jason. Large lawnmowers and leaf blowers DO NOT scare me.  
  
Jason: Chainsaw.  
  
Mario: Huh. Those do when swung around like mullets.  
  
Author's note: Mullets are VERY dangerous when swung.  
  
Luigi appears.  
  
Sound effects guy: POP! *snort*  
  
Toadsworth: *appears*  
  
Sound effects guy: POP! *giggle*  
  
Toadsworth: Oh STOP WITH THE POPPING! Anyway we need to go the-the castle!  
  
Ye The!  
  
Luigi, Mario, and Toadsworth prancing toward Peach's castle banging coconuts together.  
  
Sound effects guy: Claclump! Clacump! Claclump! Heehee  
  
Luigi: This sound effects guy sucks.  
  
Ye Guy Atop Ye Castle: Where did you get those coconuts?!?!  
  
Luigi: I found them.  
  
Ye Guy Atop Ye Castle: How could you have found them?! We live nowhere near any tropi cs!  
  
Mario: It doesn't matter! Where's Peach!?  
  
Ye Guy Atop Ye Castle: I will NOT let you go any further until you tell me!  
  
Toadsworth: Erm.a sparrow carried them.  
  
Ye Guy Atop Ye Castle: How could a 5 ounce bird carry a 1 pound coconut?  
  
Luigi: 3 sparrows carried it together.  
  
Ye Guy Atop Ye Castle: A'ite I'll buy it.  
  
Will Mario and Luigi ever get to Princess Peach? Will they be smashed by swinging mullets? Will Jason ever come back for randomness? Will they have another encounter with Homeslice? Do any of you know who Homeslice is? Do I? Will I ever stop asking retarded questions? Do I wanna annoy you? Will I ever stop? Am I an undercover spy agent? Am I a killer budgie? Or do I own a killer budgie? Do you care? And how the homeslice can a mullet swing?  
  
Homeslice: YAY! My name has been taken to Vainness!  
  
Andross: Is this Venus?  
  
Homeslice: No it's Vainness.  
  
Andross: Drat. never take directions from a fox. *disappears*  
  
Sound effects guy: P-  
  
Director: STOP IT! Stop the popping!!! SACK HIM!!!  
  
Sound effects guy: Yelp!  
  
Wait a minute. Aren't I the director? And I'll sack him if I WANT TO! S.E.G., GET ME A DONUT!!  
  
Sound effects guy: Yessssssssss masssssster  
  
Director: Now the CoAssistantDirector!: OK..i'll punish myself *SMACK!*  
  
Good Boy! Er girl. Um.. GOOD IT. 


	2. Marie 'n' Louie Meet Weird Dialect

Ch. 2-Marie 'n' Louie Meet Weird Dialect  
  
Homeslice: YO! DID EVERYONE TAKE THEIR BLOODSOAKING OF CLOTHING AND SPIRITUAL BODY? I'm the president of NJHS! Making Teens More Teeny!  
  
Mario: Oo! I wanna be a teeny teen!  
  
Luigi: National.Jumping.Hockey Sticks?  
  
Homeslice disappears.  
  
Cheesasaurus Rex: POP!  
  
Sound Effects Guy: GAAHHHH  
  
Gothic Bumblebee: ---mY lIfE iS a SwIrLiNg ToRrEnT oF lEmOn HeAdS---  
  
Mario: WoW..i WaNt To TaLk LiKe ThAt GuY  
  
Luigi: 4nd 1m 901n9 9h3tt0  
  
Mario: sWeEt  
  
Luigi: 9h3tt0 d4w9 1n d4 d4w9h0u53 m3 90nn4 b3 l1l 2p4c  
  
Tupac: Yall so weird. Yall know I don't do no talkn like dat!!  
  
Mario: aReN't YoU dEaD?  
  
Tupac: Word.*disappears*  
  
Sorrow.ToT  
  
Luigi: *l00k5 4t 50und 3ff3ct5 9uy* N0 D4W9  
  
Sound Effects Guy: Amn-day!  
  
Toadsworth: I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS *cough*  
  
Couch!  
  
Mario paints his nails black.  
  
Mario: cHeCk It OuT! I'm MaRiLyN mAnSen!!  
  
Luigi: 1'm 5t1ll l1l 2p4c m4 p33ps  
  
Toadsworth: Peeps? I'm not a marshmallow birdie-like marshmallow..  
  
Mario: PeEp  
  
Luigi: p33p  
  
PEEP  
  
Sound effects guy: EEP-PAY  
  
Mario: Like Yoda I talk.  
  
Luigi: PLAGIARISM!!!!  
  
Mario: |_ () () |thingy stalks!  
  
Fawful: I have dirty plates! You willa alla be washed in-pon my dishwasher of Fury as my microwaves organize their lockers!  
  
Mario: NO you sense. make  
  
Luigi: I. do Neither  
  
Fawful: If you don't gimme yer Shoe Polish and Fancy Laceries then you will all be washed up lifeless upon my beach of driftwood like cardboard!  
  
Budgiezilla: THIS SHOULD BE CARDBOARD MARIO!!!!  
  
*silence*  
  
*bz disappears*  
  
NO POPPING Popping is prohibited. All violating the Popping Law will Be heard. And Prosecuted!!!  
  
Fawful: POP!  
  
Co-Assistant-Director: You are under arrest!  
  
Fawful: IAMABOVETHELAW! *combover falls on forehead* *takes out bottle of Spooge and Spooges it back up* EEEEEEEheeEEEEhheEEHheEHeheeheEEEEEEEEEEE  
  
.  
  
Mario: Oo! Oo! I lOVE confusing analogies!  
  
Fawful: I shall scare and confuse you all with my long words and random analogies!  
  
Luigi: Anal-ogies..hahahaha  
  
Dell kid: You're sick. And Dude Yer Gettin A Dell!  
  
Ford Dude: Oh shut up! Let's brawl!  
  
Mario: COMMERCIAL FIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!  
  
Ford Dude: *bites Dell Kid*  
  
Dell Kid: *kicks Ford Dude's truck*  
  
Ford Dude: MY TRUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!! TRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiEEEEE  
  
Ford Dude: Thy Shall Pay!  
  
Dell Kid: Ford Dude. Will you go out with me?  
  
Ford Dude: OK! Let's see a movie! And go to the lube shop to fix my baby!  
  
Dell Kid: WILL YOU MARRY ME  
  
Dell Kid and Ford Dude start making out.  
  
Luigi: Awwwwww!!! I just love these commercial reality shows!!  
  
Will the popping ever stop? Will the Dell Kid and Ford Dude ever stop making out? Do I scare by making weird pictures in your Mind? Am I OBNOXIOUS?  
  
Fawful's note of Fury, and Also Importance: Remember, kids! All bops are round, and all beeps are bops! 


	3. Stuff Explained

Ch. 3: Stuff Explained  
  
Mario: So what exactly happened to Princess Peach?  
  
Toadsworth: Well, it all started with a spoon...  
  
*STORY TIME*  
  
Luigi: Oo! I love stories!  
  
Mario: Oo! I love spoons!  
  
iPrincess Peach was in her casino. She was playing some messed up variation of Spoons./i  
  
Peach: I have 3 kings! Toad, take 14 pimple stickers!  
  
Another Toad: Toad, take another one, cuz I have 3 kings too!  
  
Toad: How could you BOTH have 3 kings? There are only 4 in the deck.  
  
Peach: Someone must be cheating!  
  
Another Toad: Well, it can't be me. *shows his 3 kings*  
  
Peach: NO! I'M THE PRINCESS AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!!!  
  
Toad: *whispers to Another Toad* Playing with princesses sucks...  
  
iOh look! A Goodwill Ambassador!/i  
  
Peach: Dang those charities! They're always begging you for stuff!  
  
Goodwill Ambassador: Princess Peach, I understand your kingdom is very rich, and---  
  
Peach: *pulls out purse* Blah blah blah... What do you want THIS time?!  
  
Goodwill Ambassador: Pimple stickers.  
  
Toad: What the... Ok, take 'em. *gives them to GA*  
  
Another Toad: 0.o  
  
Goodwill Ambassador: *turns into Cackletta*  
  
Sound effects guy: POOF!  
  
Peach: ...  
  
Cackletta: YahEEhehyeh!  
  
Little bean dude: *morphs into Fawful*  
  
Sound effects guy: BARK! I mean POOF!  
  
Fawful: I have Figure!  
  
CoAssistantDirector guy: Fury.  
  
Fawful: Huh? Oh, in that suitcase I have Phlegm!  
  
CoAssistantDirector guy: Close enough.  
  
Fawful: And now you shall all taste the magical un-delicious-ness of my EZ VAC!  
  
*Inspector Gadget theme song plays*  
  
Sound effects guy: Doo doo doo doo doo Inspector Gadget doo doo doo doo doo doo doo HOO HOO  
  
Cackletta: Go go Gadget!!  
  
Fawful: *vacuum comes out of hat* *little kids swarm him*  
  
Little kid: Mr. Gadget, can I have your autograph?  
  
Fawful: I'M NOT INSPECTOR GADGET!!!  
  
Little kid: Yes you are! Don't be so silly!  
  
Fawful: -.- *signs autographs*  
  
Another little kid: Me too!  
  
And another little kid: Me three!  
  
Yet another little kid: Me five! ...er, four!  
  
Little kid: Hey... why does this say "Fawful?"  
  
Fawful: ENOUGH! *sucks up children*  
  
Police: CHILD ABUSE!  
  
Fawful: *rolls eyes* *sucks him up too*  
  
Cackletta: Now that those pesky little childrens have been sucked up I will eat them in a Feast of Celebration after I take over the world with these pimple stickers!  
  
Toad: Now how in the world would you be able to invade with upimple stickers???/u  
  
Cackletta: SILENCE! That will soon be planned!  
  
Another Toad: ...  
  
Peach: Hey... um... aren't you supposed to steal my voice??  
  
Fawful: Oh! Right! Now your Voice of Sweetness that Sings will be EZ Vac-ed like a Comforter that Sits Upon a Mattress!  
  
Homeslice: Metropolitan Maaaa-tresss!  
  
Fawful: *eventually sucks up voice*  
  
Peach: *thinking* Gee, I hope I look good in this lighting.   
  
Peach: *sees cat* KITTY! Er, I mean, %#$%&#%$^24e65&^%*$#%^&#%$%&!!!!!  
  
Cat: *runs off because of bangin*  
  
Sound effects guy: BANG! BANG! BOOOOM!  
  
Cackletta: Whasamatta? Cat got your tongue?  
  
Mother Goose: You see, children, this is why we don't cuss!  
  
Children: @_@ (scared to death)  
  
  
  
*NO MORE STORY TIME*  
  
Toadsworth: And that's what happened.  
  
Mario: o_o;;;  
  
Luigi: o_o;;;  
  
Mario: Actually, that's kind of stupid...  
  
Toadsworth: But so is sitting here talking in randomness. Get her voice back you ingrates!  
  
Will Princess Peach get her voice back? Do you really care? Will they ever get a good sound effects guy? Will Cackletta ever get her evil maniac laugh right? Will Fawful ever get his lines right? Will Cackletta really eat those Helpless Children? And what the homeslice will she do with pimple stickers?! 


	4. Mario and Luigi Embark on Pointlessful Q...

Ch. 4 - Mario and Luigi Embark on Pointlessful Questness  
  
  
  
Mario and Luigi fly on their fly-ing Creme Saver and Post-It note.  
  
Mario: *sees Bowser* Bowser! *immediately goes into battle* Battle!  
  
~Battle begins!~  
  
Mario: Check out may battle dance in all its glory!  
  
Bowser:... Hurry up!!  
  
Mario: No! Cha Cha!  
  
Bowser: ...  
  
Mario: Oh alright!  
  
Mario jumps on Bowser.  
  
Jason: Kill her mommy... Kill her! Don't let her get away!  
  
Bowser: PUPPY NO!!!  
  
HAHAHA! (inside joke)  
  
Toad: STOP! Mario, do you remember your action commands?  
  
Mario: Yes, thanks, I just performed one.  
  
Toad: Kay then.  
  
Bowser: *flames Mario*  
  
Mario: *dodges*  
  
Toad: Mario! Have you forgotten your action commands?  
  
Mario: Um... I just dodged it so...  
  
Toad: Well I'll teach you! *begins singing a song about dodging*  
  
Mario: TOAD! I'm fine.  
  
Toad: Darnit...  
  
Mario eventually beats Bowser.  
  
~Battle ends~  
  
Bowser: Urk! Blaargh! E.T. phone home!  
  
Peach: $@#^%$#!@#$%@#$%@%&@!!  
  
Sound effects guy: BLAM BAM BOOOOM!  
  
Bowser: ACK! Mario! Do something super!  
  
Peach: @#^%@$#^@%$!@#@$^%$&^%&#@#$^@#$@%&(*&^($^&@!!!  
  
Sound effects guy: BAM BAM BAM KABLAAM!  
  
Mario: *turns to Peach* We shall find the Cat who got your tongue!  
  
Cat: Meow!  
  
Mario: GASP! *tugs on cat's tongue*  
  
Cat: REOWR!  
  
Luigi: My spider senses tell me that's not Peach's tongue...  
  
Mario: Ah...  
  
Cat: Meow... *runs off*  
  
*At Fawful and Cackletta's Notsosecret Hideout*  
  
Cat: (same) Hello my master and mistress! I have Princess Peach's Tongue!   
  
Cackletta: Kitty Good!  
  
Budgiezilla442: AHAHAHAHHAAHHA!!!!  
  
Cackletta: With this tongue, pimple stickers, and this Mickey Mouse souvenir form Disneyland, I now have all the arts-and-crafts materials I need to take over the earth!  
  
Fawful: All earth's inhabitants will be as a sleeping tourist is under an African sparrow's plummeting coconuts!  
  
Cackletta: Right you are, my Underling Pet! *strokes Fawful's nonexistant feathers*  
  
Fawful: Purrrrrrr......  
  
Cat: That's my line...  
  
*Back with Mario*  
  
Toad: *takes Mario to a plaza* You better warm up here.  
  
Mario: Toad. I'm fine. Seriously.  
  
Homestar Runner: Sewiouswly, you guys.  
  
Toad: GO WARM UP!!!  
  
Mario: O... K... *sees mushroom* Oo! Mushroom!  
  
Some Toad: Oh! My mushroom!  
  
Mario: NO. It's MINE.  
  
Some Toad: Geez... Keep it.  
  
Mario: Muahahahahaha!! :)  
  
*a Toad comes running up*  
  
The Toad That Came Running Up: My Precioussss... IT LEFT ME! Oh precioussss...  
  
Mario: OK, I'll find it for you. If'n yer willin' ter pai!  
  
The Toad That Came Running Up: Anything for the Preciousssss...  
  
Mario: So what'll it be?  
  
The Toad That Came Running Up: Hm... It will be a 1-Up mushroom for the Preciousss.  
  
Mario: Screw it! That's gay!  
  
The Toad That Came Running Up: GOLLUM!   
  
Mario spies some Koopa guy.  
  
Koopa: I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!  
  
Mario: With who?  
  
Koopa: Bowser!  
  
Mario: O_o You mean you're dating Bowser?  
  
Koopa: ...Yes.  
  
Mario: Wonderful...  
  
Koopa: Well anyway, have you seen him?  
  
Mario: He went This Way.  
  
Koopa: Thanks! *runs off in some random direction*  
  
Mario: Sucker... *goes Thatta Way*  
  
Luigi: *hops*  
  
Sound effects guy: Boing Boing Boing!  
  
Toadsworth: MASTER MARIO!  
  
Mario: Oh what now?!  
  
Toadsworth: Have this case just in suitcase you need it!  
  
Mario: Kay...  
  
Luigi: *hops in case* Oo... Room-eh!  
  
Bowser: MARIO! GET ON BOARD bNOW!/b  
  
Mario: *gets on wooden board* I got my board, now what do I do?  
  
Bowser: *rolls eyes* *yanks Mario up* So do you like it? Pretty spiffy, eh?  
  
Mario: *hops*  
  
Sound effects guy: Boing Boing!  
  
Bowser: Kay... Hey you, green guy! Come on!  
  
Luigi: Cool, I can come for once!  
  
Koopas come.  
  
Luigi: Wait...  
  
Bowser: What?!  
  
Luigi: Those guys are coming, too?  
  
Bowser: Well, yeah. They're my Henchmen.  
  
Luigi: AHH! THE MIDGETS WILL SUCK MY BLOOD!  
  
Bowser: Someone's been watching way too may horror movies.  
  
Mario: Really? Who?  
  
Bowser: -.-;;; *yanks Luigi up & throws him in cargo* WHERE ARE MY HENCHMEN?!  
  
Koopa: Right here, master. MARIO YOU LIAR  
  
Mario: :) Muahahahaha... 


	5. Some Koopa's Love Affair with a Pinch Cr...

Ch. 5 - Koopa's Love Affair with a Pinch Crane O_o  
  
Mario and Luigi are thrown into cargo.  
  
Mario: Well, this is fabulous.  
  
Luigi: Yep... hey, let's go see what those Koopa Loopa guys are doing!  
  
Koopas: Koopa Loopa Loopity Doo! *go in bathroom and make chocolate*  
  
Mario: I've... changed my mind. I... don't... want to know... o_o  
  
Koopas: *see bros*  
  
Koopa: ...  
  
Another Koopa: ...  
  
Yet Another Koopa: ...  
  
Some Koopa: ...  
  
Some Other Koopa: ...  
  
Mario: DOES ANYONE HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY HERE?!  
  
Another Koopa: Yeah, you may not know this, but J. Lo. dumped P. Diddy! After a relationship of FIVE MINUTES!!!!  
  
Other Koopas: GASP!  
  
Some other Koopa: After all they've been through!!  
  
Mario and Luigi: o_o;;;;;;;  
  
Luigi: Can I be scared now?  
  
Mario and Luigi walk into the next room.  
  
Camera Koopa: Hey, you two, lemme see your passports!  
  
Mario and Luigi show them to him.  
  
Camera Koopa: Hey, waita sec... *steps all over passports*  
  
Mario: Get off!!  
  
Camera Koopa: You guys don't have any photos!  
  
Mario: And?  
  
Camera Koopa: *immediately takes photos*  
  
Luigi: MY PHOTO!  
  
Mario: *looks at em* These are HORRIBLE!  
  
Luigi: Oh well... Next room!  
  
They go into the next room.  
  
Luigi: Oh look a barrel! There's something important looking about it... I wanta touch it!  
  
Barrel goes flying.  
  
Barrel: WEEEEEE!!!  
  
Luigi: Oopie...  
  
Koopa: *chases Goomba around* *catches him* You're it! NO tagbacks, NO erasies, NO do-overs, and the whole ship is home base!!!  
  
Mario: This place is really beginning to freak me out.  
  
Luigi: Same... Oo! Nail buffer!  
  
Mario: O_o;;;  
  
Luigi: Yay! Another room!  
  
Some Koopa: Hitting that block thur activates the pinch crane. I call it Mr. Pinch. Don't ask me why.  
  
Mario: WHY!  
  
Some Koopa: ...  
  
Other Koopa: Huh? Buh? Duh?  
  
Homestar Runner: FUH!  
  
Luigi: OO! BLOCK! *hits it*  
  
The crane comes down and grabs Luigi.  
  
Some Koopa: NOOO! MR. PINCH! HOW COULD YOU?!?! *sniff* ...I thought what we had was SPECIAAAAAAL!!!!  
  
Mario and Luigi: 0_0;;;  
  
Other Koopa: Muh..  
  
Mario: Hey, Luigi, you can be our lookout!  
  
Luigi: Yay! Someone finally has a USE for me! I am USEFUL!!!  
  
A moment passes.  
  
Luigi: @o@ WHOA!  
  
Bowser: !.! What!  
  
Cackletta shows up.  
  
Cackletta: Eeyahhehyameh! In my magical John of Doom, who ever thought you'd catch up?  
  
Guy: Ketchup! I did!  
  
...Kay...  
  
Fawful: I am Fawful!  
  
Mario: e_e yes, we know..  
  
Fawful: Idiots of foolishnessess! You will all be like Cackletta's Ding Dong cupcake when we eat our pencil sharpeners of doooom!!  
  
What???  
  
*BATTLE OPENS*  
  
Luigi jumps on Fawful.  
  
Fawful: Gah! You ice rink rat!  
  
Bowser: *crawls a direction and ends up on the other side of the screen*  
  
Luigi: How'd you do that?!  
  
Bowser: Ask the gods at Nintendo.  
  
Guys at Nintendo: NEVER! NEVER EVER EVER WILL WE TELL!  
  
Bowser: Yeah...  
  
Fawful: GO GO GADGET! *fires little thingys at Mario and Luigi*  
  
Luigi: *gets one splattered on him*  
  
Luigi: AAHHH!!!  
  
Mario: What IS that stuff?!  
  
Luigi: *licks it* MUSTARD!! AAAAHHHH!!!  
  
Mario jumps on Fawful. A nickel flies out of his pocket.  
  
Luigi: NICKEL! *grabs it*  
  
Fawful: *tragedy music plays* PHIIIILLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!  
  
Luigi: My nickel!!!  
  
Fawful: I HAVE FRACTIONS!  
  
Teacher: Let's sing the Fraction song!  
  
Kids: e_e  
  
Fawful: Gah... *sucks them up* Anyway... I HAVE FEET!   
  
Mario: OH there they are... haha... they're small...   
  
Luigi cracks up.  
  
Mario: LITTLE FOOTED!  
  
Budgiezilla442: GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *rolls on floor*  
  
Fawful: AND COWARDNESSMENT!  
  
Fawful blows up the ship and flies off. The thing goes plummeting and stuff.  
  
A Koopa Guy: Yay! And I'm gonna go get one of my ribs removed!  
  
Dell Kid: You're DISGUSTING!  
  
Budgiezilla442: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!! BWHaHAHAHAHAHH WHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *rolls down a hill* KITTY OW! .... AHAHAHAHHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!  
  
Ford Dude: DELL KID!  
  
Dell Kid: FORD DUDE!  
  
Budgiezilla442: CRAP! I really should end this...   
  
*thinks for a sec*  
  
Budgiezilla442: Nah. I like to freak you people out!  
  
Dell Kid and Ford Dude make out as they roll around in the grass.  
  
Luigi: *___*  
  
Mario: I think I'm gonna puke...  
  
Stay tuned for another dEmEnTeD chapter of... IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CARDBOARD MARIO!!! 


	6. A Horriby Screwed Up Sidequest

Ch. 6: A Horribly Screwed Up Sidequest  
  
Mario and Luigi get stuck in the ground.  
  
Luigi: *pops out* Hmm... *sees Mario* Oh! *pulls him out* Hadoodoolodebalo.  
  
Mario: Adoodooedello.  
  
The bros see a bunch of Koopas lying around, dead.  
  
Luigi: Ahhh! It looks like the battle of Fort Sumpter!  
  
Mario: Which was the 1st battle of the American Civil War!  
  
Luigi: This fic is humorous AND educational!!  
  
Mario and Luigi go into a conveniently placed castle.  
  
Mario: MIDGETS! GET AWAY!  
  
Border Bro: wh4t5 up, 8r0th3r5 m!  
  
Luigi: *looks up* Stuff...  
  
Other Border Bro: 4nyw4y, w3 c4n't l3t y0u 9uy5 p455 unl355 y0u w1n th3 80rd3r jump!  
  
Mario: Kay...  
  
Border Bro: l3t5 90!  
  
Luigi: JUMPROPE!!!  
  
Other Border Bro: *swings rope around* c1nd3r3ll4 dr3553d 1n y3ll0w w3nt up5t41r5 t0 k155 4 f3ll0w   
  
Border Bro: 8y m15t4k3 53 k1553d 4 5n4k3 h0w m4ny d0ct0r5 d1d 1t t4k3?  
  
Mario: I cannot even begin on how screwed up this is.  
  
Other Border Bro: 0k, y0u 9uy5 w1in.  
  
Luigi: Yay!  
  
Border Bro: W0uld y0u 9uy5 l1k3 t0 pl4y 4g41n?  
  
Mario: NO.  
  
Other Border Bro: 8ut w3'll g1v3 y0u 834n5 1f y0u w1n!!  
  
Luigi: MAGICAL BEANS?  
  
Border Bro: uhh... 5ur3.  
  
Luigi: YESSS!!  
  
Other Border Bro: *turns rope again* c4ndy 4ppl3 0n 4 5t1ck...  
  
Mario: WE WON. BEANS. NOW.  
  
Luigi: Yay! *takes beans* Yay! Now I'm gonna plant them! Yay!  
  
Luigi plants the beans. A large pipe pops out.  
  
Luigi: PIPE!!  
  
Mario: PIPE....?  
  
Dr. Evil: PIPES!  
  
Mario and Luigi go into the pipe. They pop out on a solid cloud.  
  
Mario: Whoa...  
  
Luigi: Where are we?  
  
Mario: I hear a noise!  
  
???: Psh sh sh sh sh! Bleep! Boopp! FASHIZZLE!  
  
Mario: Jason?! I already told you, I'm--  
  
???: Thump Thump!  
  
Luigi: HOMESLICE! What are you doing here?!  
  
Homeslice: For randomness! Fashizzle!  
  
Mario: ...  
  
Homeslice: So you wanted to be a teeny teen, right?  
  
Mario: YES!  
  
Homeslice: Then just sign this contract! And make sure you look at my...  
  
Amanda: LITTLE CRAZY GUY IN A HAT!  
  
Mario: I am so distracted by the Little Crazy Guy in a Hat, I don't notice this sentence that says, "By signing of this contractness, you agreee to lick Homeslice's feet for one hour, spray yourself with meat tenderizer, and then jump in the Amazon River."  
  
Luigi: Which is the second longest river in the world!  
  
Just before Mario signs the contractness, a Care Bear comes in.  
  
Care Bear: I WUV YOU!!!  
  
Suddenly the cloud liquifies and everyone falls to their deaths!  
  
THE END  
  
Luigi: That sucked...  
  
J*B: OH alright...  
  
Mario, Luigi, and Homeslice didn't. But the Care Bear did though!!!  
  
Little Children: ToT  
  
Mario and Luigi land in Stardust Fields. Who knows where Homeslice landed...  
  
Homeslice: WOOHOO! FIJI!  
  
Luigi: So we're right back where we started then...  
  
Mario: Yup. Letsa go!  
  
Mario and Luigi see spiky things. Next to them is a sign. It says, "Spiky Stardust Defense System (SSDS)"  
  
Jonesy: SSDD!  
  
Mario: Whazzat?  
  
Jonesy: YOU'LL NEVER KNOW! *disappears*  
  
Mario: O...k..  
  
A lion appears in Jonesy's place.  
  
Aslan: OUCH! I got a boinky thing in my paw! Help me get it out?  
  
Mario: NO!  
  
Aslan: Come on! Pull my thorn!  
  
Luigi: OK! *pulls it out*  
  
Aslan: *farts* AHAHAHAHA! Gets 'em every time!!  
  
Mario and Luigi: e_e  
  
Ford Dude and Dell Kid come back.  
  
Mario and Luigi: NOT YOU TWO!!!  
  
J*B: You guys probably know what happens next.  
  
Aslan: The Ciiiiiirclllee of Liiiiiiiifffe.... 


	7. Luigi Gets Simple

Ch. 7: Luigi Gets Simple  
  
Luigi: Hey! Bug things!  
  
Mario: It's like I've seen those things before...  
  
Luigi: Deja vu!  
  
Mario: Look! It's Bowser!  
  
Luigi: Deja vu!  
  
Mario: And lo! He's stuck in that thingy!  
  
Luigi: Deja vu!  
  
Mario: Will you stop that?!  
  
Luigi: Sorry...  
  
Bowser: ...  
  
Luigi: Hey Bowser! Are you stuck?  
  
Bowser: No. I'm wearing a girdle.  
  
Luigi: Oh!  
  
Mario: Luigi... You ever heard of "sarcasm"?  
  
Luigi: (puzzled) No...  
  
Tolstar pops in.  
  
Luigi: Pop!  
  
Tolstar: Nyeck nyeck!  
  
Curly: Nyuk nyuk nyuk!  
  
Moe: Shut up Coily.  
  
Larry: *slaps Curly*  
  
Curly: OUCH! Soitenly!  
  
Mario: ... Who are you, anyway?  
  
Tolstar: I am Tolstar, The Great and Famed King of Stardust Fields!  
  
Bowser: Boy, you really got a nice place.  
  
Luigi: Yeah!  
  
Mario: *sighs*  
  
Tolstar: Thanks...?  
  
Luigi: You're welcome!  
  
Mario: er...Luigi?  
  
Luigi: Yah?  
  
Mario: ......nevermind.  
  
Luigi: ...  
  
Tolstar: ENOUGH! If you want to pass, you must give me all of your coins!!!  
  
Luigi: OK! *gives him 99 coins*  
  
Mario: Luigi, you blockhead.  
  
Tolstar: 99 coins, eh? That'll get you NOWHERE!  
  
Luigi: It'll get you a long-distance phone call!  
  
Announcer Guy: Beanbean Kingom Long Distance. 99 coins for the first 20 minutes!  
  
Luigi: So dial 1-800-YO-MOMMA! That's 1-800-YO-MOMMA!  
  
All: X_x  
  
Luigi: So will you let us through?  
  
Tolstar: NO!  
  
Some teenagers from the nearby Ozzy Osborne concert begin rioting and grab Tolstar. He is thrown on the stage and Ozzy bites his head off.  
  
Kyle: Oh my god! You killed Ken-er, Tolstar!  
  
Stan: You bas-  
  
Mario: STAN! This fic is rated PG!  
  
Stan: Oh, sorry. You bass clarinets!  
  
Luigi: Good nuff.  
  
Mario: Well that ends Tolstar!  
  
Luigi: We'll be back in a second to do stuff!  
  
Bowser: Hey! Aren't you guys gonna help me get out of this cannon?  
  
Luigi: No! You take off that girdle yourself, you pervert!  
  
Bowser: ...  
  
Mario and Luigi go onward.  
  
Luigi: Oo! Pretty lethal looking star trap door thing! I wanta step on it!  
  
Game show host guy: Welcome to... Russian Roulette!  
  
***Author's Note: Russian Roulette is a game show where everyone stands on trap doors, and they are asked questions. If someone gets one wrong, some of the trap doors light up red. They "spin", and if your door is red, you are dumped!***  
  
Mario: Uh oh. Of all game shows...  
  
GSHG: Green guy! Do you know the rules of the game?  
  
Luigi: Yes! I love this game! (thinking) Isn't this the one where you spin the wheel? Wait no... it's the one with the Bingo cards. -Or is it Love Connection? *shivers*  
  
GSHG: Great! All you have to do is answer this question!   
  
Luigi: (thinking) Oh! He must be Regis!  
  
GSHG: What is the 2nd longest river in the world?  
  
Luigi: Hm... That's a hard one!  
  
Mario: LUIGI! YOU-  
  
J*B: *looks at Mario threateningly*  
  
Mario: er, BASS CLARINET! You told everyone this yourself!  
  
Luigi: Wait! Wait! Can I use a lifeline?  
  
GSHG: Sonny, this is Russian Roulette. There are no lifelines.  
  
Luigi: OK, Regis... I'll say Fort Sumpter!  
  
Luigi is dumped. 


	8. They'll Be Comin Round the Mountain One ...

Ch. 8: They'll Be Comin Round the Mountain... One Day  
  
----------------------------------  
  
Mario and Luigi are dropped somewhere on Hoohoo Mountain.  
  
Guards: *come rushing over* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MRS. BEASLEY?  
  
A Guard: Prince Peasley...  
  
Mrs. Beasley: I do believe you are my best friend!  
  
Everyone else: o_o  
  
Mario: Adoodoodedello!  
  
Luigi: Hadoodoodebalo!  
  
Guards: What???  
  
Tolstar: *comes flying down*  
  
Mario: Fatty can fly?!  
  
Tolstar: Shut up! Anyway, they're not lying!  
  
Guard: About what?  
  
Tolstar: That they're Mario and Luigi!  
  
Other Guard: Actually... we couldn't understand a word they said.  
  
Tolstar: *cough* DEAF *cough*  
  
Guard: OK, if this guy says you are Mario and Lugi, then go ahead.  
  
Other Guard: Wait a minute... you guys can't be Mario and Luigi! We just saw them a few minutes ago!  
  
*flashback*  
  
Fawful and Cackletta come out of the cave.  
  
Guard: And who are you two?  
  
Cackletta: Jiffy Lube.  
  
Fawful: *whispers* Luigi...  
  
Cackletta: What? ...Oh yeah. I'm Luigi!  
  
Other Guard: But you don't have a mustache!  
  
Cackletta: Uh... *grabs a bottlebrush and sticks it under her nose*  
  
Guard: Wow! That's stupid enough to work!  
  
Fawful: And um... I am Mario. Watch me jump. Boing boing.  
  
Other Guard: OK! You can pass!  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Guard: We'll never let you pass!  
  
Luigi: LOOK! It's Sally Suthers!  
  
Guards: WHERE? *look*  
  
Mario and Luigi run. They see a village.  
  
Cactus-girl-person: Welcome to our Circle of Love!  
  
Mario: Wait! We get signal! Main screen turn on!  
  
Luigi: Somebody set up us the bomb!  
  
Mario: What?  
  
Luigi: AH! FAWFUL!  
  
Fawful: Hello, gentlemen. All your base are belong to us!  
  
Mario: What you say?!  
  
Fawful: You have nochancetosurvivemakeyourtime. Ha. Ha. Ha. *summons Jabba the Hut*  
  
Mario: Hey... you look familiar... IS IT YOU, ANNA NICOLE?  
  
Luigi: Deja vu!  
  
Mario: Be quiet!  
  
Jabba the Hut: You no go through!  
  
Using his head, Luigi charges and pushes Jabba the Hut out of the way.  
  
Luigi: How's that for using your head? ^_^  
  
Mario: That takes thick headedness to a new level.  
  
Luigi: Am I a good boy?  
  
Mario: If I had a biscuit, I'd throw it at you.  
  
Luigi: Yay! Wait...  
  
Fawful: NOW GIMME TREEFIDDY!!!  
  
Luigi: What?  
  
Fawful: I want treefiddy!  
  
Mario: Alls I got is toofiddy.  
  
Fawful: Good nuff. Fare thee well! *flies off*  
  
Luigi and Mario: ...  
  
A Beanie comes rushing over.  
  
*battle begins*  
  
Luigi: Beanie... *plops it on his head*  
  
Beanie: GAH! *bites him*  
  
Luigi: MY HAT BIT ME!  
  
Mario: I had a chihuahua named Beanie...  
  
*flashback*  
  
Beanie the Chihuahua: Lo tengo El Pollo Loco en mis pantalones!  
  
Mario's Dad: Isn't it "Yo quiero Taco Bell"?  
  
Mario: (six years old) No, that phrase stinks! The new one is so much better!  
  
*end flashback*  
  
Beanie approaches Luigi, falls, wiggles, and goes back.  
  
Luigi: OW! MY NERVES!  
  
Mario: *eats Beanie*  
  
Luigi: Uh oh... *holds nose*  
  
*Battle ends*  
  
Mario levels up.  
  
Mario: From eating a bean... cool!  
  
Luigi: Hm... I wonder how Homeslice is...  
  
*At a psychiatrist's office*  
  
Homeslice: Doc, you gotta help me. I'm just so... violent!  
  
Psychiatrist: And how do you FEEL about that?  
  
Homeslice: ...violent?  
  
Psychiatrist: Well, I think you need a new name. "Homeslice" promotes violence.  
  
Homeslice: It...does? That's stupid.  
  
Psychiatrist: Yes. Try and think of a gentler name.  
  
Homeslice: Boo... Boo... Kitty f$&%?  
  
Psychiatrist: Umm, that's a start...  
  
Back with M and L  
  
Mario and Luigi see Hoohooros.  
  
Luigi: Hoohooros... Are you a Pokemon?  
  
Hoohooros: No...  
  
Luigi: AH! *throws a rubber ball at it*  
  
Hoohooros: OUCH! What are you trying to do?!  
  
Luigi: Catch you, stupid!  
  
Hoohooros: O... K... Anyway, if you want to pass, you must take my test! And pass it!  
  
J*B: Dont you just LOVE cliffhangers? 


	9. A Stupid Test and Merry Things

Ch. 9: A Stupid Test and Merry Things  
  
(-B-A-M-)  
  
A/N: I HATE POKEMON!!!!  
  
(-O-K-T-H-A-T-W-A-S-I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G-)  
  
Hoohooros: *hands them Stanford 9 tests*  
  
J*B: EEEVIIIIILLLL! *pulls out a flamethrower and burns the tests*  
  
Smokey the Bear: DON'T PLAY WITH FIRE! I'm in the forest too, you bass clarinets!  
  
Mario: Hey, Luigi, I'll race you up the mountain. I'll give you, um, pencil shavings if you win.  
  
Luigi: YOU'RE ON! *runs up*  
  
Mario: o_x *twitches* *follows him*  
  
Luigi: *sees Hoohoo block* POKEBALL! *kicks it*  
  
Blablanadon: Whatchu kickin at, foo?!  
  
The giant egg Blablanadon was sitting on hatches. Some dragon-y thing comes out.  
  
Draghoho: HO HO HO!  
  
*battle starts*  
  
Draghoho: You will -ho- be very -ho- sorry after I -ho- puke up my -ho- Rock of Doom! *coughs up a rock*  
  
Rock: Fear me!  
  
Luigi: *jumps on Draghoho*  
  
Draghoho: NOOOOOO-ho-OOOOOOOOOOOO-ho-OOO!  
  
Mario: *summons Cujo*  
  
Cujo: Must... kill... THE DRAGON...  
  
Cujo tears apart Drag-something.  
  
Cujo: THE MAN... *pounces Luigi*  
  
Luigi: AHH! *grabs baseball bat and wails on Cujo*  
  
Luigi: WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!  
  
Mario: That's his... whale call.  
  
Prince Peasley appears.  
  
Luigi: POP!  
  
Peasley: Cheers to your mustaches!  
  
Mario: Our... mustaches?  
  
Peasley: Thank you for saving me! Take this rose!  
  
Luigi: *catches rose* He's so dreamy!  
  
Peasley hops on his magic flying Creme Saver.  
  
Mario: THIEF! GIVE ME BACK MY CREME SAVER! I didn't even get to patent it... ToT  
  
Luigi: Come on...  
  
Mario and Luigi go down the mountain.  
  
Mario and Luigi: A Cave! *they go into it*  
  
In the cave is a lil bean man and his dog.  
  
Luigi: CUJO!! AHHHHHH!  
  
Bean Guy: Whoa there, pard! He ain't Cujo. He be Frank Dodd!  
  
Luigi: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! *jumps in conveniently placed cart with Mario*  
  
Mario and Luigi pop out somewhere else.  
  
Beanie: POP!  
  
Mario: Cart rides are filled with suspenders!  
  
Mario and Luigi end up at the Beanbean castle somehow.  
  
Luigi: Wow! That was quick!  
  
They try to go in but the guard won't let them.  
  
Guard: We can't let you in!   
  
Luigi: But...  
  
Other Guard: Please tell us your names and motives!  
  
Luigi: Orange-vanilla.  
  
Mario: *slaps forehead* Motives! Not VOTIVES!  
  
Luigi: Oh. Hadoodoodebalo!  
  
Guard: So you're... who?  
  
Mario: Adoodoodedello.  
  
Other Guard: OK, I got it. You are Paul McCartney, and the green Power Ranger.  
  
Mario and Luigi: *look at each other a moment* Yeah.  
  
Guard: Then go right ahead!  
  
Mario: Wow. That was easy!  
  
They go in.  
  
A bean-y person runs up to them.  
  
Lady Lima: I am Lady Lima!  
  
Mario: Wow. You're sure... ladylike.  
  
Lady Lima: Thank you!  
  
Luigi: So THAT'S what sarcasm is!  
  
Mario: SShhhhhhh!  
  
Luigi: What can we help you with, mister?  
  
Mario: *cough* MISS  
  
Luigi: Oh! Sorry, cough-miss!  
  
Mario: ...  
  
Lady Lima: *turns into Cackletta & her little bean due turns into Fawful*  
  
Cackletta: Eemorfyehizzlo!  
  
Yay! Another cliffhanger! 


End file.
